walking the talk
Continue reading here:
I was not completely without help though. I had a suit case full of valuable lessons learned from years of doing readings, consisting of various do’s and don’ts’s. It felt like a good idea to put some of them into practice. Here are some things I didn’t do:
I didn’t create a story around the issue. Often by the time people land in my reading room with a specific problem, they present it to me with a theory. Wanting to go to the core of what is bothering us is normal, but desperately seeking mind-solutions for a heart-matter often leads to thinking ourselves in a knot.
I refrained from doing that and trusted that the right insight would – eventually – hit me if I kept my mind as calm as possible.
I didn’t reject this – reoccurring - issue: going to the core of an issue is an important part of a reading, and too often the response from clients is: “but I thought I worked through that”, “but I’m over that now”. Until now I haven’t seen anybody – and that includes me! – overcome an issue by fighting and/or rejecting it.
I don’t think of issues as things that you ‘get rid of’. Life is much more layered, mysterious and colourful than that. Anyway, who am I to judge on my issues?
I didn’t see my big blue ball of fear as something that made me faulty. It might have been an obnoxious presence that took up too much space, but it didn’t make me less me.
I am Melita, and sometimes Melita gives an awesome reading, cooks a yummy meal, looks like a pro during a workout (not really), and in this case I was Melita who was freaking out inwardly. I loved her just the way she was.
I didn’t stop meditating. I love meditation. I believe meditating is essential in life, and the older I get, the more I believe it. The thing is that meditation isn’t easy when we are in turmoil, and when people are in a bad space and I suggest meditation, the standard answer is: ‘yes, I’ll start once all this is settled’.
I really understand this way of thinking, however what I’ve learned from doing readings is that the best results occur when people let go of the perspective of the problem they had until then. Then space is created for something new and fresh.
That doesn’t mean that it was easy for me. All I wanted was to meditate on the issue to find a solution, instead I continued with Joe Dispenza’s ‘Blessings of the Energy Centres’ meditation.
Most of the time I was so restless I didn’t bless much at all, and I don’t know how much the meditations actually helped me during this time.
What did help me was the fact that I kept doing them without caring about the result. Keeping my daily meditation routine made me feel that I had a crisis, but that I wasn’t overtaken by it.
Now for the things I did do:
I loved myself. I tried to love myself even more than I normally do. I often have to ask clients to please, please be kinder to themselves. I tell them to imagine it isn’t them but their favourite twin-sister/brother who is having the problem. What tone of voice would they use for them? I ask them to use that for themselves too.
My own weak point is having ridiculously high expectations of myself, so I tried to be kind by not having any expectations.
Instead of telling myself what I ‘should’ do/think or be I listened to my needs. This was new and exciting for me! Don’t laugh, but for me a glass of wine for stress has been as natural as using a Band-Aid on a bleeding finger for others. When in crisis, just drink an extra glass. Easy.
However, at the tender age of 57 I had decided it was time to break the habit by not drinking for 5 months. Around the time of my crisis I hadn’t had a drink for months. As a result I could actually feel what I needed during the crisis. I was surprised to see that what I most needed was to continue my weekly exercise sessions, especially dancing.
This didn’t relax me like wine used to do – I was continuously aware of how tense my body was –, instead it created space in my mind. It didn’t distract me, but it re-balanced me.
I don’t want to give the idea that I learned from my readings to get rid of my ‘bad’ habits. No, quite the contrary. It makes me cringe when clients hate themselves for having some not-so-fantastic vices.
Tuning into the reason behind those habits often makes me overflow with compassion, still people make it sound like their habit is just a vice they are too lazy or undisciplined to free themselves from.
That is so sad, because most of us have improved very much in life. And this doesn’t always come naturally to us!
To take myself as an example: when I still lived in Greece a glass of coca cola on an empty stomach was my hangover cure. My health regime was that I wasn’t allowed a ‘shaggie’ (roll-up cigarette) until the afternoon after a wild night full of beer and cigarettes. And I wasn’t a teenager or something: I was a single mother with a school going kid and a fulltime job with lots of responsibilities.
Now I start my animal and planet friendly, smoke-free life with a 45 minute meditation, floor exercises and a wholesome breakfast.
Most of us have improved our life-style drastically over the years, so let’s be nice about the small reminders of our colourful past!
Okay, so now for the results: did serenity descend on me spontaneously? Did I have an epiphany? No. Total anti-climax I’m afraid. I got a call from the said friend, I told him about my crisis, and he helped me resolve the practicalities in the creative process.
In hindsight it wasn’t difficult for me to see that I get separation anxiety when I bring a new project into this world. That makes complete sense to me now. At the time though, it was impossible for me to figure it out, nor could I make myself ask someone else to help me figure it out.
It didn’t win me a medal for solving my own issues, but the fact that I stayed present during the whole episode, and that I had my own back, taught me that I can completely trust myself. Maybe not to come up with immediate solutions, but to stay afloat during the times I end up in the deep waters of fear.
As for breaking my wine habit: Success! My body didn’t accept the stuff anymore, so my husband’s delicious homebrewed kombucha became my new Happy Hour drink. Until one fateful night when a dash of vodka ended up in my strawberry kombucha. Omg! So good. Feel free to pass by and try it. No judgement……
I was not completely without help though. I had a suit case full of valuable lessons learned from years of doing readings, consisting of various do’s and don’ts’s. It felt like a good idea to put some of them into practice. Here are some things I didn’t do:
I didn’t create a story around the issue. Often by the time people land in my reading room with a specific problem, they present it to me with a theory. Wanting to go to the core of what is bothering us is normal, but desperately seeking mind-solutions for a heart-matter often leads to thinking ourselves in a knot.
I refrained from doing that and trusted that the right insight would – eventually – hit me if I kept my mind as calm as possible.
I didn’t reject this – reoccurring - issue: going to the core of an issue is an important part of a reading, and too often the response from clients is: “but I thought I worked through that”, “but I’m over that now”. Until now I haven’t seen anybody – and that includes me! – overcome an issue by fighting and/or rejecting it.
I don’t think of issues as things that you ‘get rid of’. Life is much more layered, mysterious and colourful than that. Anyway, who am I to judge on my issues?
I didn’t see my big blue ball of fear as something that made me faulty. It might have been an obnoxious presence that took up too much space, but it didn’t make me less me.
I am Melita, and sometimes Melita gives an awesome reading, cooks a yummy meal, looks like a pro during a workout (not really), and in this case I was Melita who was freaking out inwardly. I loved her just the way she was.
I didn’t stop meditating. I love meditation. I believe meditating is essential in life, and the older I get, the more I believe it. The thing is that meditation isn’t easy when we are in turmoil, and when people are in a bad space and I suggest meditation, the standard answer is: ‘yes, I’ll start once all this is settled’.
I really understand this way of thinking, however what I’ve learned from doing readings is that the best results occur when people let go of the perspective of the problem they had until then. Then space is created for something new and fresh.
That doesn’t mean that it was easy for me. All I wanted was to meditate on the issue to find a solution, instead I continued with Joe Dispenza’s ‘Blessings of the Energy Centres’ meditation.
Most of the time I was so restless I didn’t bless much at all, and I don’t know how much the meditations actually helped me during this time.
What did help me was the fact that I kept doing them without caring about the result. Keeping my daily meditation routine made me feel that I had a crisis, but that I wasn’t overtaken by it.
Now for the things I did do:
I loved myself. I tried to love myself even more than I normally do. I often have to ask clients to please, please be kinder to themselves. I tell them to imagine it isn’t them but their favourite twin-sister/brother who is having the problem. What tone of voice would they use for them? I ask them to use that for themselves too.
My own weak point is having ridiculously high expectations of myself, so I tried to be kind by not having any expectations.
Instead of telling myself what I ‘should’ do/think or be I listened to my needs. This was new and exciting for me! Don’t laugh, but for me a glass of wine for stress has been as natural as using a Band-Aid on a bleeding finger for others. When in crisis, just drink an extra glass. Easy.
However, at the tender age of 57 I had decided it was time to break the habit by not drinking for 5 months. Around the time of my crisis I hadn’t had a drink for months. As a result I could actually feel what I needed during the crisis. I was surprised to see that what I most needed was to continue my weekly exercise sessions, especially dancing.
This didn’t relax me like wine used to do – I was continuously aware of how tense my body was –, instead it created space in my mind. It didn’t distract me, but it re-balanced me.
I don’t want to give the idea that I learned from my readings to get rid of my ‘bad’ habits. No, quite the contrary. It makes me cringe when clients hate themselves for having some not-so-fantastic vices.
Tuning into the reason behind those habits often makes me overflow with compassion, still people make it sound like their habit is just a vice they are too lazy or undisciplined to free themselves from.
That is so sad, because most of us have improved very much in life. And this doesn’t always come naturally to us!
To take myself as an example: when I still lived in Greece a glass of coca cola on an empty stomach was my hangover cure. My health regime was that I wasn’t allowed a ‘shaggie’ (roll-up cigarette) until the afternoon after a wild night full of beer and cigarettes. And I wasn’t a teenager or something: I was a single mother with a school going kid and a fulltime job with lots of responsibilities.
Now I start my animal and planet friendly, smoke-free life with a 45 minute meditation, floor exercises and a wholesome breakfast.
Most of us have improved our life-style drastically over the years, so let’s be nice about the small reminders of our colourful past!
Okay, so now for the results: did serenity descend on me spontaneously? Did I have an epiphany? No. Total anti-climax I’m afraid. I got a call from the said friend, I told him about my crisis, and he helped me resolve the practicalities in the creative process.
In hindsight it wasn’t difficult for me to see that I get separation anxiety when I bring a new project into this world. That makes complete sense to me now. At the time though, it was impossible for me to figure it out, nor could I make myself ask someone else to help me figure it out.
It didn’t win me a medal for solving my own issues, but the fact that I stayed present during the whole episode, and that I had my own back, taught me that I can completely trust myself. Maybe not to come up with immediate solutions, but to stay afloat during the times I end up in the deep waters of fear.
As for breaking my wine habit: Success! My body didn’t accept the stuff anymore, so my husband’s delicious homebrewed kombucha became my new Happy Hour drink. Until one fateful night when a dash of vodka ended up in my strawberry kombucha. Omg! So good. Feel free to pass by and try it. No judgement……