tightrope walking with Bo
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She had asked me before to help her with her relationship, mainly because she and her boyfriend had communication problems. Looking at the couple (energy-wise) I could easily see why: Bo was a sweet girl, who liked family, friends, her cat and who loved fun times. She was neither very ambitious nor money orientated but modest in her wishes, only ever wanting to be happy.
Her boyfriend Bill was a strong-willed young man, full of ambition. He used to spend many more hours working than Bo would have liked, and even more time thinking and talking about it.
Bo turned into a person who talked with great enthusiasm about Bill’s future plans, but I could feel that this wasn’t her. She loved the guy, so she learned to love what he loved.
This combination between a laid-back person and a driven one can work perfectly, but in their case it felt wrong. In my eyes Bo was a great communicator, but she was never really able to reach Bill, and I couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t interested in Bo as a person.
Two years into the relationship Bill had started a business importing the cutest sandals from Thailand. As he had a demanding job, he had asked Bo’s long-time friend and her boyfriend to join in. They agreed. In their apartment Bo’s crafts room was turned into a storage, and they divided the tasks between them.
Bo made the website and did the graphic designing for advertising, and helped the other couple selling the sandals at markets during weekends, and Bill was in charge of the import, transport and the administration.
When Bill and Bo split up, Bill explained to Bo that he had to stay in the apartment, because of the storage room. A feistier girl might have told her boyfriend to get stuffed, sandals and all, but Bo conveniently started looking for accommodation for her and their cat (because surely she also understood that it wouldn’t be fair for puss to leave her with him, as he worked such long hours).
Bo had been gutted by the break-up. She had hoped to marry Bill, have his children and to grow old together, but their relationship had slowly gone out like a candle. Bo had tried for the longest time to ignore the signs, but when Bill forgot to take her home after a party, not to be rude but because he had actually forgotten they were there together, she knew they needed to talk.
Eventually Bill admitted that his feelings for her had dwindled quite a while ago. Yes, he had met somebody he felt attracted to, but no, he hadn’t done anything about it, because he didn’t want to hurt Bo’s feelings. (Sure! The new girl rejected him that was my gut feeling. Didn’t say that though).
Bo stayed with a friend for a while, until she found a place for herself. Despite having received a pay-out from Bill, she found living on her own quite costly, but luckily she was still entitled to get her share from the sandal business, right?
Wrong! Bill convinced her friends that they would be better off running the business in three. Bo couldn’t believe it. All the hours she had put into that business, and then her friends! They had been so close. Bo felt betrayed by both Bill and her friends.
She felt disappointed, heart broken and more unlucky than ever.
When I tuned into Bo at the beginning of the reading, she actually felt kind of okay. I could feel she had suffered a big blow, but she didn’t feel as scattered as I had expected. I had the feeling that this time she would understand better why she was ‘always unlucky’.
In the kindest possible way I showed her how bad her relationship had been and for how long. And how people around her had been worried about her being in this relationship, and how some of them had tried to express their concern. She agreed.
Then I asked her if she could see how important it was when, for example, you felt/knew there was something wrong with your car, to undertake action to avoid the car from breaking down or to avoid crashing with the car? She agreed.
Because, I asked her, “she had known for the longest time there was something not right in her relationship?” Bo slowly nodded. And that therefore taking care of herself financially and otherwise would have been sensible? Again Bo agreed.
I told her that it was not as if she had been in a marriage where the couple had bought a house and raised children together. Bo and Bill lived in a rental. Bo hardly saw Bill because he worked all hours, plus she had her doubts about the relationship almost from the start.
In my eyes this was not a case of misfortune, but one of self-neglect.
I knew Bo well enough to know that she could go from feeling sorry for herself to blaming herself - and back again – often and fast. I wanted to avoid this, because every time she would slide from one side to the other, she’d fall in a heap, and it took a lot of time to get her back in some sort of balance. I had been there before with her.
My aim was to show Bo she hadn’t been the helpless victim she thought she was, without her becoming emotional about it. To get her in a calm and objective space from where well-balanced people make their decisions most of the time!
While Bo and I looked back on her situation, she was a tightrope walker. Every tiny step she took made her wobble: either bending towards the left, blaming Bill and her friends, or towards the right, blaming herself for having been an idiot.
She didn’t like discovering that she hadn’t considered how important the sandal-business was for her friends. Besides working their regular jobs, they had worked most warm weather weekends selling sandals to be able to buy a home. Giving up this business now would be the end of their dream. Had Bo thought about that at all?
No, she hadn’t. It sent her straight into an emotional state of blaming herself for having been selfish. It was my gut feeling that Bill had used the fact that the couple needed the money from the business to manipulate them into agreeing to get Bo out. I gently asked if she had considered this may be what happened? The result of this very carefully put suggestion caused an emotional outburst of anger towards Bill.
Making her see that Bill had set up his relationship with Bo in a way that he could continue his life without having to change a thing (everything was in his name: the lease of their apartment, the electricity, gas, water and the sandal business), made her go out of balance because she felt stupid.
I made her look back on her reactions during the reading. Could she see that tumbling from hating her friends/boyfriend to hating herself without ever finding her still spot in the middle, meant that she couldn’t learn from her experience?
There was no need to have that strong an opinion at any time. When they were together there had been no need to trust him that much, and now she didn’t have to tear her hair out because she had been too trusting. She could see Bill as a manipulative user, or as a person who knew how to take care of himself. No meltdown needed.
In the same way she could calmly look back on sharing her business with Bill and her friends and see that maybe she had been too naïve and blasé about her part in the business. She didn’t care enough at the time. Lesson learned. No meltdown needed.
Just like she hadn’t bothered to read her insurance cover about hail at the time, or to put her car under cover in spite of the weather warning. And she did injure herself dancing on a bar that time she missed out on her dream-job. Again, no meltdown needed, but maybe re-think about calling herself unlucky?
I could feel how Bo would come very close to joining me in the calm objective middle, but she had one more trump card up her sleeve: it was her old favourite ‘it-is-all-very-easy-for-you’ attitude, suggesting that I was a smart know-it-all and she was a poor victim who couldn’t get life together. Nice try Bo.
I told her that it was impossible for me to know all these details about her situation and relationships. I had to tap into a certain channel to be able to help her. The most plausible explanation (in my eyes) was that I was able to channel her higher self. So it was her higher self who knew she needed to start living her life from this sensible balanced place. That meant this was within her potential, if not it wouldn’t come up in the reading.
Bo had heard it before, but today she heard it a bit better than previous times. “That is because you love yourself a bit better today”, I told her. “Because this is about self-love. You do know that, don’t you?”
Bo sighed. “I feel it is about having to grow up” she said, showing no enthusiasm with the prospect.
“Don’t grow up for now”, I told her. “Just love yourself a bit more. Take your well-being a bit more serious. If you don’t want to take care of yourself, then love yourself enough to look for someone who is dying to take care of you. If all you want is happiness, then go and do things that make you happy. Walking away from the wrong person and opening your heart for the right person, is something that gives you a fair chance of happiness. Doing things that make your heart sing, gives you a fair chance to meet someone who shares your passions”.
Bo sat with her eyes closed for a while. Her energy was serene and balanced. When she opened her eyes I expected something profound, but instead she said: “I never liked those sandals. I only wore them 2 or 3 times”.
“Oh come on Bo, they are super-cute”, I told her.
“If I ever catch you wearing a pair you’ll lose me as a client”, Bo said, looking haughty and offended.
“Never Bo. Your friendship is worth more than all the sandals in the world”.
“I’m worth that”, said Bo, giving me a triumphant smile.
“Absolutely Bo. Self-love is the word.
She had asked me before to help her with her relationship, mainly because she and her boyfriend had communication problems. Looking at the couple (energy-wise) I could easily see why: Bo was a sweet girl, who liked family, friends, her cat and who loved fun times. She was neither very ambitious nor money orientated but modest in her wishes, only ever wanting to be happy.
Her boyfriend Bill was a strong-willed young man, full of ambition. He used to spend many more hours working than Bo would have liked, and even more time thinking and talking about it.
Bo turned into a person who talked with great enthusiasm about Bill’s future plans, but I could feel that this wasn’t her. She loved the guy, so she learned to love what he loved.
This combination between a laid-back person and a driven one can work perfectly, but in their case it felt wrong. In my eyes Bo was a great communicator, but she was never really able to reach Bill, and I couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t interested in Bo as a person.
Two years into the relationship Bill had started a business importing the cutest sandals from Thailand. As he had a demanding job, he had asked Bo’s long-time friend and her boyfriend to join in. They agreed. In their apartment Bo’s crafts room was turned into a storage, and they divided the tasks between them.
Bo made the website and did the graphic designing for advertising, and helped the other couple selling the sandals at markets during weekends, and Bill was in charge of the import, transport and the administration.
When Bill and Bo split up, Bill explained to Bo that he had to stay in the apartment, because of the storage room. A feistier girl might have told her boyfriend to get stuffed, sandals and all, but Bo conveniently started looking for accommodation for her and their cat (because surely she also understood that it wouldn’t be fair for puss to leave her with him, as he worked such long hours).
Bo had been gutted by the break-up. She had hoped to marry Bill, have his children and to grow old together, but their relationship had slowly gone out like a candle. Bo had tried for the longest time to ignore the signs, but when Bill forgot to take her home after a party, not to be rude but because he had actually forgotten they were there together, she knew they needed to talk.
Eventually Bill admitted that his feelings for her had dwindled quite a while ago. Yes, he had met somebody he felt attracted to, but no, he hadn’t done anything about it, because he didn’t want to hurt Bo’s feelings. (Sure! The new girl rejected him that was my gut feeling. Didn’t say that though).
Bo stayed with a friend for a while, until she found a place for herself. Despite having received a pay-out from Bill, she found living on her own quite costly, but luckily she was still entitled to get her share from the sandal business, right?
Wrong! Bill convinced her friends that they would be better off running the business in three. Bo couldn’t believe it. All the hours she had put into that business, and then her friends! They had been so close. Bo felt betrayed by both Bill and her friends.
She felt disappointed, heart broken and more unlucky than ever.
When I tuned into Bo at the beginning of the reading, she actually felt kind of okay. I could feel she had suffered a big blow, but she didn’t feel as scattered as I had expected. I had the feeling that this time she would understand better why she was ‘always unlucky’.
In the kindest possible way I showed her how bad her relationship had been and for how long. And how people around her had been worried about her being in this relationship, and how some of them had tried to express their concern. She agreed.
Then I asked her if she could see how important it was when, for example, you felt/knew there was something wrong with your car, to undertake action to avoid the car from breaking down or to avoid crashing with the car? She agreed.
Because, I asked her, “she had known for the longest time there was something not right in her relationship?” Bo slowly nodded. And that therefore taking care of herself financially and otherwise would have been sensible? Again Bo agreed.
I told her that it was not as if she had been in a marriage where the couple had bought a house and raised children together. Bo and Bill lived in a rental. Bo hardly saw Bill because he worked all hours, plus she had her doubts about the relationship almost from the start.
In my eyes this was not a case of misfortune, but one of self-neglect.
I knew Bo well enough to know that she could go from feeling sorry for herself to blaming herself - and back again – often and fast. I wanted to avoid this, because every time she would slide from one side to the other, she’d fall in a heap, and it took a lot of time to get her back in some sort of balance. I had been there before with her.
My aim was to show Bo she hadn’t been the helpless victim she thought she was, without her becoming emotional about it. To get her in a calm and objective space from where well-balanced people make their decisions most of the time!
While Bo and I looked back on her situation, she was a tightrope walker. Every tiny step she took made her wobble: either bending towards the left, blaming Bill and her friends, or towards the right, blaming herself for having been an idiot.
She didn’t like discovering that she hadn’t considered how important the sandal-business was for her friends. Besides working their regular jobs, they had worked most warm weather weekends selling sandals to be able to buy a home. Giving up this business now would be the end of their dream. Had Bo thought about that at all?
No, she hadn’t. It sent her straight into an emotional state of blaming herself for having been selfish. It was my gut feeling that Bill had used the fact that the couple needed the money from the business to manipulate them into agreeing to get Bo out. I gently asked if she had considered this may be what happened? The result of this very carefully put suggestion caused an emotional outburst of anger towards Bill.
Making her see that Bill had set up his relationship with Bo in a way that he could continue his life without having to change a thing (everything was in his name: the lease of their apartment, the electricity, gas, water and the sandal business), made her go out of balance because she felt stupid.
I made her look back on her reactions during the reading. Could she see that tumbling from hating her friends/boyfriend to hating herself without ever finding her still spot in the middle, meant that she couldn’t learn from her experience?
There was no need to have that strong an opinion at any time. When they were together there had been no need to trust him that much, and now she didn’t have to tear her hair out because she had been too trusting. She could see Bill as a manipulative user, or as a person who knew how to take care of himself. No meltdown needed.
In the same way she could calmly look back on sharing her business with Bill and her friends and see that maybe she had been too naïve and blasé about her part in the business. She didn’t care enough at the time. Lesson learned. No meltdown needed.
Just like she hadn’t bothered to read her insurance cover about hail at the time, or to put her car under cover in spite of the weather warning. And she did injure herself dancing on a bar that time she missed out on her dream-job. Again, no meltdown needed, but maybe re-think about calling herself unlucky?
I could feel how Bo would come very close to joining me in the calm objective middle, but she had one more trump card up her sleeve: it was her old favourite ‘it-is-all-very-easy-for-you’ attitude, suggesting that I was a smart know-it-all and she was a poor victim who couldn’t get life together. Nice try Bo.
I told her that it was impossible for me to know all these details about her situation and relationships. I had to tap into a certain channel to be able to help her. The most plausible explanation (in my eyes) was that I was able to channel her higher self. So it was her higher self who knew she needed to start living her life from this sensible balanced place. That meant this was within her potential, if not it wouldn’t come up in the reading.
Bo had heard it before, but today she heard it a bit better than previous times. “That is because you love yourself a bit better today”, I told her. “Because this is about self-love. You do know that, don’t you?”
Bo sighed. “I feel it is about having to grow up” she said, showing no enthusiasm with the prospect.
“Don’t grow up for now”, I told her. “Just love yourself a bit more. Take your well-being a bit more serious. If you don’t want to take care of yourself, then love yourself enough to look for someone who is dying to take care of you. If all you want is happiness, then go and do things that make you happy. Walking away from the wrong person and opening your heart for the right person, is something that gives you a fair chance of happiness. Doing things that make your heart sing, gives you a fair chance to meet someone who shares your passions”.
Bo sat with her eyes closed for a while. Her energy was serene and balanced. When she opened her eyes I expected something profound, but instead she said: “I never liked those sandals. I only wore them 2 or 3 times”.
“Oh come on Bo, they are super-cute”, I told her.
“If I ever catch you wearing a pair you’ll lose me as a client”, Bo said, looking haughty and offended.
“Never Bo. Your friendship is worth more than all the sandals in the world”.
“I’m worth that”, said Bo, giving me a triumphant smile.
“Absolutely Bo. Self-love is the word.