a different brain
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When I tuned into her there was only confusion in her head. Questions and thoughts tumbled around like clothes in a washing machine. No wonder I didn’t recognise her at first, it was as if this intimidating person had been dominated and flattened by her confusion. I told her about the confusion and that we had to calm her mind before we could continue the reading, if not she wouldn’t be able to let anything in.
‘Absolutely not’ she stated, ‘I want you to give me clarity around my questions, nothing else’. Ah, good to see some things hadn’t changed. She then laid out her situation for me, followed by her questions:
Tanya was originally from New Zealand and her brother had invited her to come and live with him after her retirement. He had a house surrounded by a lot of land and he was happy for her to build her own house on it. Tanya came from a big family, and most members were still in New Zealand.
Recently one of her younger brothers had suddenly died, and being united at the funeral with her siblings had made her realise it was time to return home. Retiring in New Zealand had been a dream of Tanya’s, but it took a lot of courage, because her children and grandchildren were here in Australia.
She was ready for early retirement, but it meant living off her superannuation, which scared her very much. She would also have to sell her house at a time when the housing market was not at his peak.
Tanya had been brought up with the principles that you worked hard until your retirement; that you saved as much as you could, and that you always be sensible with money.
The situation was straightforward: Tanya had to change a few beliefs and do what her heart told her to do. Her financial situation looked okay, and going to NZ to be close to her family felt like the best idea ever.
The problem was not so much her situation, but her head. Something had fundamentally changed within Tanya. During a reading I can see how a person has been in the past versus how they are today, even if I haven’t read the person previously. The old Tanya had been straightforward in such a bullish way that it was intimidating. To her credit, she had put these attributes to good use. She cared about her job and I am sure that as long as she was in charge, her department would not become the underdog. Having to take radical decisions never scared her before.
And this was what the reading became about. The fact that Tanya now had a different brain and therefore needed to deal with herself in a different way.
I couldn’t do that directly, as Tanya only wanted her questions answered.
We started with the money situation. I explained that as far as I could see, she would be fine financially if she retired now. She had always been a prudent, sensible and hardworking woman, and her house was located in a good neighbourhood.
She sighed with relief, but I told her I was sure I wasn’t the first person to tell her this, and that unfortunately the relief wouldn’t last. The belief that she didn’t have enough money was stronger than any reassuring words. Therefore the best thing to do was to turn to this belief and to see what it needed.
“Until recently”, I told her, “you have always counted on your brain to get you where you wanted. But something has changed in you, and now you have a different brain. A brain that relaxes when in nature, surrounded by silence. A brain that urges you to stop doing what you are doing. A brain that has entered a different space of life, a brain that has retired. Not in the sense of retired from life, but retired from the rat race. Of having to be your best and sharpest at work. Of having to live in suburbia, where the footy ball of your neighbour’s kids has just killed your herb garden for the fourth time. Of having to be in traffic during peak hours.
Your heart has said: ‘it is time to go back to NZ’ and your brain has agreed. Until then it has always helped you out when your fear mind said you needed to create security, being sensible, working hard and to be right all the time. Now though, heart and brain are already enjoying the early morning views over your brother’s paddocks. Dew and all. And you have been left dealing with your fear mind on your own".
Tanya had been looking at me intently, and I felt a difference in her. She had relaxed a bit from within. “How and why did my brain change?” she asked.
I told her that it has happened during the menopause. This is quite common. To me it happened when I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome after an accident. My brain hardly worked at all for lengthy periods. Scary stuff, like standing in a shop and not remembering the pin code I’ve had for years, or my phone number. At times I didn’t know how to cross a road, or where to put the key to the ignition to drive (I did get out of the car after that one!).
My brain has never returned to how it was. It is hardly ever as scary anymore as it had become, but it can be when I get overwhelmed and/or really tired. I have adapted my life to my different brain, and I am forever grateful for that. I live better; I am happier, and – believe it or not – I achieve more than before. In an authentic and real way. In my way.
I have a friend who has a different brain since her husband suddenly died. With one of my clients it happened after the birth of her baby. It can happen all at once, it can happen over time, or it can never happen.
But when it happens, you will have to listen. If you don’t listen, you will develop anxiety, and that will turn into chronic anxiety.
What we are doing here is making you understand the ‘new you’ and work with it. The already happily retired heart and brain scare you, and your panicking mind scares you even more. What helped me was to see that this was not ‘the new me’, but that I had always been this way. It was just that I used to be able to accommodate my fear mind and now I can’t. Now I have to be authentic, if not I become anxious, which with me gives me brain fog. This has forced me into listening to myself and understanding my fears and working with them.
You say you are anxious about building a house because you have never done it before. You say you want to be in NZ when it happens, but you don’t want to live with your brother, and neither do you want to rent. You say you are scared you won’t have enough money, but you don’t want to consider a job in New Zealand. You say you are terrified to go to New Zealand, but you don’t want to live here in WA anymore.
Obviously, the step to move to New Zealand is too big for the person you are today, so you will have to break it down in chew-able sizes. Pretend the fear mind is a child who has to go to the dentist. It wants the result of not having a tooth ache, and it wants to have healthy teeth, it just doesn’t want to go to the dentist. Equally your fear mind would love to enjoy the early morning views from your new home too, but it doesn’t want to go through the scary process. Therefore whatever it comes up with will be negative. I suggest we ignore all the ‘no’s’ and ‘can’t-s’ and see what you can do.
I had felt from the beginning that Tanya needed to respect her fears around money, if not she couldn’t move forward. The only way – in my eyes – was to give herself some security to make money in NZ. After having expressed many times what she didn’t want in a job, she now said that a sister-in-law had a shop selling products made of Alpaca wool. She often had a stall at the more upmarket fairs and did presentations about alpaca wool and its products for tourists. She had told Tanya she would love to go on regular trips with her caravan, if only she had somebody reliable to take over the business during those times. I asked Tanya if she was willing to give it a go, and she said that she would probably enjoy it.
I convinced her to go to a real estate agent and look at the statistics of the property price over the last years. My gut feeling told me that her side of the neighbourhood had stayed steady throughout the highs and lows of the market. This would take away her reluctance to sell the house in the existing market.
We also decided that she had enough brothers and sisters who would love to host her to while her house was being build.
When Tanya left, she was relieved. She gave me a big hug, and I told her I would light a candle for her. And I did. Not for her to have the courage to take this big step, but for the courage to accept herself as she is now. Unable to cover her big need for security she had become vulnerable, and I felt she was ashamed of it. To me though this was the real Tanya. The one I loved. With a heart as soft as an alpaca woollen jumper.
When I tuned into her there was only confusion in her head. Questions and thoughts tumbled around like clothes in a washing machine. No wonder I didn’t recognise her at first, it was as if this intimidating person had been dominated and flattened by her confusion. I told her about the confusion and that we had to calm her mind before we could continue the reading, if not she wouldn’t be able to let anything in.
‘Absolutely not’ she stated, ‘I want you to give me clarity around my questions, nothing else’. Ah, good to see some things hadn’t changed. She then laid out her situation for me, followed by her questions:
Tanya was originally from New Zealand and her brother had invited her to come and live with him after her retirement. He had a house surrounded by a lot of land and he was happy for her to build her own house on it. Tanya came from a big family, and most members were still in New Zealand.
Recently one of her younger brothers had suddenly died, and being united at the funeral with her siblings had made her realise it was time to return home. Retiring in New Zealand had been a dream of Tanya’s, but it took a lot of courage, because her children and grandchildren were here in Australia.
She was ready for early retirement, but it meant living off her superannuation, which scared her very much. She would also have to sell her house at a time when the housing market was not at his peak.
Tanya had been brought up with the principles that you worked hard until your retirement; that you saved as much as you could, and that you always be sensible with money.
The situation was straightforward: Tanya had to change a few beliefs and do what her heart told her to do. Her financial situation looked okay, and going to NZ to be close to her family felt like the best idea ever.
The problem was not so much her situation, but her head. Something had fundamentally changed within Tanya. During a reading I can see how a person has been in the past versus how they are today, even if I haven’t read the person previously. The old Tanya had been straightforward in such a bullish way that it was intimidating. To her credit, she had put these attributes to good use. She cared about her job and I am sure that as long as she was in charge, her department would not become the underdog. Having to take radical decisions never scared her before.
And this was what the reading became about. The fact that Tanya now had a different brain and therefore needed to deal with herself in a different way.
I couldn’t do that directly, as Tanya only wanted her questions answered.
We started with the money situation. I explained that as far as I could see, she would be fine financially if she retired now. She had always been a prudent, sensible and hardworking woman, and her house was located in a good neighbourhood.
She sighed with relief, but I told her I was sure I wasn’t the first person to tell her this, and that unfortunately the relief wouldn’t last. The belief that she didn’t have enough money was stronger than any reassuring words. Therefore the best thing to do was to turn to this belief and to see what it needed.
“Until recently”, I told her, “you have always counted on your brain to get you where you wanted. But something has changed in you, and now you have a different brain. A brain that relaxes when in nature, surrounded by silence. A brain that urges you to stop doing what you are doing. A brain that has entered a different space of life, a brain that has retired. Not in the sense of retired from life, but retired from the rat race. Of having to be your best and sharpest at work. Of having to live in suburbia, where the footy ball of your neighbour’s kids has just killed your herb garden for the fourth time. Of having to be in traffic during peak hours.
Your heart has said: ‘it is time to go back to NZ’ and your brain has agreed. Until then it has always helped you out when your fear mind said you needed to create security, being sensible, working hard and to be right all the time. Now though, heart and brain are already enjoying the early morning views over your brother’s paddocks. Dew and all. And you have been left dealing with your fear mind on your own".
Tanya had been looking at me intently, and I felt a difference in her. She had relaxed a bit from within. “How and why did my brain change?” she asked.
I told her that it has happened during the menopause. This is quite common. To me it happened when I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome after an accident. My brain hardly worked at all for lengthy periods. Scary stuff, like standing in a shop and not remembering the pin code I’ve had for years, or my phone number. At times I didn’t know how to cross a road, or where to put the key to the ignition to drive (I did get out of the car after that one!).
My brain has never returned to how it was. It is hardly ever as scary anymore as it had become, but it can be when I get overwhelmed and/or really tired. I have adapted my life to my different brain, and I am forever grateful for that. I live better; I am happier, and – believe it or not – I achieve more than before. In an authentic and real way. In my way.
I have a friend who has a different brain since her husband suddenly died. With one of my clients it happened after the birth of her baby. It can happen all at once, it can happen over time, or it can never happen.
But when it happens, you will have to listen. If you don’t listen, you will develop anxiety, and that will turn into chronic anxiety.
What we are doing here is making you understand the ‘new you’ and work with it. The already happily retired heart and brain scare you, and your panicking mind scares you even more. What helped me was to see that this was not ‘the new me’, but that I had always been this way. It was just that I used to be able to accommodate my fear mind and now I can’t. Now I have to be authentic, if not I become anxious, which with me gives me brain fog. This has forced me into listening to myself and understanding my fears and working with them.
You say you are anxious about building a house because you have never done it before. You say you want to be in NZ when it happens, but you don’t want to live with your brother, and neither do you want to rent. You say you are scared you won’t have enough money, but you don’t want to consider a job in New Zealand. You say you are terrified to go to New Zealand, but you don’t want to live here in WA anymore.
Obviously, the step to move to New Zealand is too big for the person you are today, so you will have to break it down in chew-able sizes. Pretend the fear mind is a child who has to go to the dentist. It wants the result of not having a tooth ache, and it wants to have healthy teeth, it just doesn’t want to go to the dentist. Equally your fear mind would love to enjoy the early morning views from your new home too, but it doesn’t want to go through the scary process. Therefore whatever it comes up with will be negative. I suggest we ignore all the ‘no’s’ and ‘can’t-s’ and see what you can do.
I had felt from the beginning that Tanya needed to respect her fears around money, if not she couldn’t move forward. The only way – in my eyes – was to give herself some security to make money in NZ. After having expressed many times what she didn’t want in a job, she now said that a sister-in-law had a shop selling products made of Alpaca wool. She often had a stall at the more upmarket fairs and did presentations about alpaca wool and its products for tourists. She had told Tanya she would love to go on regular trips with her caravan, if only she had somebody reliable to take over the business during those times. I asked Tanya if she was willing to give it a go, and she said that she would probably enjoy it.
I convinced her to go to a real estate agent and look at the statistics of the property price over the last years. My gut feeling told me that her side of the neighbourhood had stayed steady throughout the highs and lows of the market. This would take away her reluctance to sell the house in the existing market.
We also decided that she had enough brothers and sisters who would love to host her to while her house was being build.
When Tanya left, she was relieved. She gave me a big hug, and I told her I would light a candle for her. And I did. Not for her to have the courage to take this big step, but for the courage to accept herself as she is now. Unable to cover her big need for security she had become vulnerable, and I felt she was ashamed of it. To me though this was the real Tanya. The one I loved. With a heart as soft as an alpaca woollen jumper.